THBBfffttt

I wrote this blog post a couple of weeks ago. I was afraid to post it for fear of adding any more negative energy to the situation. Well, today the wait came to an end, with the outcome I wasn’t hoping for.

I’ll be philosophical about it tomorrow. Tonight, I will wallow in the fear and hopelessness and a bit more chocolate than is probably good for me.

No bits of wisdom, no solutions will be found in the following. Just know that if you are feeling the same way, you aren’t alone.

Have you ever waited for heartbreak?

You know it’s on the way… to give you a couple of clichés: the freight train is coming straight for you and you can see the light, or, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing but misery is to follow. It’s probably absolutely certain. Heart broken to pieces.

I’m thankful that I’m not waiting on a doctor callback, or on a significant other to bring in the moving away trucks. But when something takes up your whole life… well. As I said, little broken bits.

I have no way to stop it. And more than that, not sure where to go from there. I am experiencing a significant lack of power.

People say to pray. Others recommend staying positive. One plan suggests visualizing the outcome you want. To that I say, phhbbbllllttttt.

That’s all I got.

Sadly, at this moment, I feel resigned to fate – in the negative way. I have no control over what happens. No control, not really. And I admit to being a bit of a control freak…. Now I wait with a sense of doom.