What teachers say is true — they learn as much from their students as they teach. I’ve managed a few people in my career and each one of them has taught me numerous lessons. The most important one is that I have a lot to learn.
Another truth — managing projects is COMPLETELY different than managing people. And today I found out that one of the lessons I learned from a terrific young lady who came into my life a few years ago stuck with me more deeply than I thought.
Sarah and I had a lot in common, both telling stories for a living. We even had some of the same people train us to be corporate journalists. But she is braver than me. (Which is a good thing — she made me braver.) She is also a bit harder on herself than I was on me. (This is not a good thing.) We both took criticism personally. Mistakes are not just sins, but, as the nuns used to say, mortal sins with hair on them. I carried them around with me for YEARS — all criticism was accusation. Blame was the big game in town, and I was the high scorer holder.
Through the years I developed a thicker skin and learned to compartmentalize professional work with personal work. I still give it my all when I am in the office. As soon my car drives out of the parking lot, it gets left behind. A necessary coping mechanism for this introvert who chose a career that is based on seeking the approval of others. Go figure.
When I started working with Sarah, she was still near the beginning of her career. I quickly recognized the kindred spirit and recognized the words of self-criticism. I knew that when a mistake happened (and they didn’t happen often), I didn’t have to spend time making sure she recognized that it had occurred. I had to focus on helping her find a solution.
She didn’t need my belaboring the point that a mistake had been made. She kicked herself for weeks or months. I did the same… months into years! In the moment, I had to get us both focused on what the next steps needed to be. She frequently hit on a corrective action her self. Sometimes, I made a few suggestions that seemed to lead her down a path. A few times we worked together on a fix. Most of the time, she very determinedly worked on it herself. (I suspect she gave herself a tongue lashing at the same time.)
I recognize that a critical eye and pen come with being an editor and a writer. But using that (red) pen for good and not for evil is a lesson that has to come with the power of that pen. Sarah and a few others taught me that. I also came to understand fully my sixth-grade basketball coach, Mr. Manion, who used to try and explain to 12-year-old pubescent tween girls that he was not yelling at us, but at the situation. Totally get that now.
Back in the present; Today, Sarah’s and the coach’s lesson came back to me in the form of a blank web page. The web page hadn’t been blank at first. Somehow, and because I believe that Microsoft Sharepoint is programmed to make my life miserable, I deleted more than 20 weeks of online conversation, comments and activity. No really, almost SIX months of work. Gone. In a click.
I’ve made mistakes a lot. I believe what has been said (lately by Brene Brown I think), you gotta clean up your own mess. And for more than an hour past this afternoon’s deadline, I tried to clean it up. I may have made it worse…. I will find out tomorrow when tech smarter than me try to recover the damn thing.
In the past, I may have been paralyzed by “oh sh*t, not again” voice in my head who can be quite cruel. It would have taken more time than necessary to move through the fog of verbal self-flagellation. I would be too petrified to try ANY solution that came to mind, if one idea could worm its way in there.
Instead, I really did use that hour trying anything and everything I knew to bring the information back. (If only there was a universal CTRL + Z operation. hint hint) After several attempts, we called a guy — the guy who helps us out. I had to pull together enough to explain the step-by-steps that led to the great disappearance. I couldn’t laugh it off, but was very concentrated and focused on following directions when he tried some of his wizarding ways. Alas, as of the end of the day, a work around was put in place.
Tomorrow we try again.
Tonight, I am indebted to Sarah, because from her I learned I had tune out the hateful voice in my head and focus on what to do next. That is more important than being right all the time. It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you also make the fix.
(PS — Sarah is excelling in her career!)
Christina's New Deal 