Casting stones

I started a new job recently, and a woman who works near me said something that I’m having an emotional reaction to. She said, during a lunch conversation, that “it is a sin to hide in your life, to waste your time on this earth being by yourself.”

No really, she said that. She first said that to her son when he was in college. She wanted him to go out an meet people, have fun, have relationships. I don’t disagree with her intention. But when I must have had a surprised look on my face, she responded with “No, I really mean it. I think it is a sin against God.”

Okay, here’s where I’m struggling: It’s a sin against God to be on your own? I guess there is a reason that s-i-n are the first three letters of the word single, huh?

Trying to take deep breaths.

Isn’t sin (or many other examples of breaking the law in either the civil or spiritual realms) an action taken with intent? Her son intended to not meet people? Maybe he’s shy? Being shy is a crime against God?

I will agree that in many ways, there is choice involved in “hiding your light under a bushel.” For some, interaction with people and/or the outside world is overwhelming and they choose to stay in. Choose to avoid anxiety, exhaustion, fear. I don’t think any of those choices are sins.

I also don’t think it is a crime against God not to go out. The world and the people in it can be cruel. For many people, staying home at night is a learned behavior. How often do you go to the bar by yourself to be ignored or looked at with pity? There are many activities that are difficult to follow through with when you don’t have any friends who are willing to be your wingpeople. How is it your crime to go out with walls up when you’ve faced insults and mocking? For many people, putting yourself out there has been done, and the results have really sucked. How is it that when you are taught by people you know or people you don’t that you are not wanted in this place at this time, it’s your crime against the universe?

I know. I can hear you saying to me “things don’t get better unless you try, and you try with a positive attitude.” It’s a vicious cycle, how do you stop being alone when you’re already alone and can’t stop being alone until someone steps in but you can’t find someone to step in because you are alone?

Most people who are alone do go out into the world. They shop, stop for coffee, go to the beach. They probably get a lot more take out… Perhaps they are not, as Audrey Hepburn says in the move Sabrina, “not just in the world, but of the world.”

I don’t disagree that humans are social creatures that long for connections with other humans. I am a good example. But it takes skills and learning and help along the way. If no help exists, how do you learn the way of things? And how do you keep your spirits up when you inevitably fail? Going it alone is tougher than can be explained. To call down sin on top of the rest of the sh*tpile, how does that help?

There are many reasons why people don’t venture out into the world. Sometimes they don’t have the skills, sometimes they are afraid, sometimes they are lost.

Been there, done that. More deep breaths.

My conclusion then is that there is too much blaming and shaming in and of this world right now. Instead of casting stones, reach out a helping hand. Perhaps it would be better to say, “Hey, do you want to go somewhere for a drink/coffee/meal/ see a show/game/etc?” Anything you can do to help. Isn’t THAT the way of Christ, the law of God?

Yeah, I’m feeling strongly about the subject.